Darling, I'm A Nightmare Dressed As A Daydream
by fay-marie1993
Summary: Raven is going through a rough time and there's only one person she trusts enough to talk to.
1. Chapter 1

Raven stirred the bath salt into the hot water before sliding into the tub. The only light there was come from the moon and the candle that she lit and left on the toilet seat. The water wasn't as warm as she liked, but she was too lazy to run it warmer. She felt the muscles in her back relax and she sighed. There was too much going on. She hid the letter she had received from her mother. Arella was ill. They thought she had a bad case of pneumonia, but it could be worse than they thought. Raven erased the thought quickly from her mind and dipped her head under the water. When she came up she moved her shoulder length hair out of her face. She came here to relax.

About thirty minutes passed by and Raven was still soaking. The water was starting to cool but the candle was making the room smell warm with almond. Raven slid under the water one last time to wet her hair and get the remaining conditioner out. She held her breath for a few seconds until four sets of red eyes flashed in her mind and she quickly came up gasping for air. It had been about three years since she had gotten rid of Trigon. She knew he was gone, but she still had night terrors. It was getting ridiculous. Raven had always passed it off as a form of post-traumatic stress. It was another one of her secrets. Raven cursed under her breath and stood up before pulling the drain in the bathtub. The room had gotten cold since it was the middle of autumn and winter was close. She didn't think it would have gotten cold enough for heat.

She finally got dressed and went into her bedroom. She ran her brush through her hair. Raven wanted to go to bed, but after the episode in the bath, she was wide awake. Beastboy and Cyborg were still up playing video games. She could go in and watch but she didn't want anyone asking questions about the disturbed look on her face. Raven found a comfortable spot on her bed and dozed off. It wasn't long before her night terrors started. She woke up screaming and hearing her name.

"Raven. Raven. RAVEN!"

Her eyes snapped open. She was panting and was covered in cold sweat and what she thought was tears. Beastboy was standing in her doorway. She was confused before she remembered she had finally trusted him enough to give her the pass code to her room.

"You ok, momma?" Beastboy asked. He looked tired and worried. His voice had gotten deeper the past few years and was gravely from lack of sleep.

"Just a bad dream, sorry," Raven apologized. She moved the hair that was stuck to her forehead from the sweat. It was a nervous habit. Beastboy shut the door behind them so no one would hear the conversation.

"Don't be, everyone has them," he told her. It finally hit Raven that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She gave him a puzzled look.

"What happened to your shirt?" she asked him.

"I was getting ready for bed and then remembered Cy left the pizza out. I went to put it in the fridge and when I came back, I heard you screaming. But do you like what you see?" Beastboy gave her a cheesy grin and flexed his muscles. He even winked at her. Raven wasn't amused.

"So what, it's puberty," Raven said dryly. "And don't mention this to the others."

"You know I won't, Rae," he said as his face went back to a worried look. She felt his emerald green eyes staring at her, trying to figure her out. Beastboy made himself to her bed and sat down. Raven felt comfortable enough to lie back on her pillows. "Do you want to talk about it?" Beastboy finally asked. Raven shook her head. His expression softened.

"I just don't want to be alone," Raven admitted. Beastboy moved into the bed and lay next to her but gave her enough personal space. Her bed was big enough and she had gotten more comfortable with being close to him.

He gave her another playful, toothy grin. "You should of said something, momma."

Raven turned on her side to face him while he remained on his back. There was about a four inch gap in between the two. Beastboy was still in arms reach though.

"Just shut up and go to sleep," she mumbled after Beastboy pulled the covers over both of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Raven woke up from a dreamless sleep. She didn't know what it was about Beastboy but he always had that effect when they shared a bed. It hadn't been the first time he had slept next to her. Beastboy was snoring softly with his arm above his head. Raven had her hand resting on the arm closest to her. She had reached for him sometime in the middle of the night. After pulling the covers over him, she closed her eyes.

"Rae."

"Hmm?" Raven answered him.

"You were whimpering in your sleep." He told her when she opened her eyes.

"I don't remember anything," Raven said. She hoped he believed her because she honestly didn't remember having any dreams. Beastboy finally turned on his side to face her. The morning light was just beginning to creep into the room making her facial features visible. Even though Raven had slept eight to ten hours, she still had dark circles under her eyes and her voice sounded exhausted.

"You mentioned the name Arella," Beastboy said and stopped when he saw the expression on her face.

"It was probably nothing," Raven lied. Beastboy was too tired to argue but he knew the name sounded familiar. He might have heard Robin say it before. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Raven felt bad for lying to her close friend. However, it was her problem and no one else's. She heard Beastboy sigh before he whispered for her to come closer.

Raven snuggled into Beastboy's embrace. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding something. Maybe he would ask around later about the name.

"Um, Raven?" Beastboy broke the silence.

"What?" Raven asked still feeling guilty.

"I have to pee."

**Later On **

It was movie night. Robin was in the kitchen making sure the popcorn didn't burn. However he was also watching a certain violet haired girl. Raven had opened up more during the past few years. She wasn't as moody and brooding, especially since her father was gone. So Robin had immediately noticed the sudden change in her. It was his job as team leader anyways to make sure his friends were okay even if the injuries weren't physical. Raven had withdrawn to her room more than usual. It wasn't like it was when they first became a team, but her absence was noticed. During the last few days she had avoided her friends and when she did interact with them her smiles and laughs seems forced. Robin also noticed she stared off into the distance more like she was thinking deeply instead of joining into the group conversations. If it had been the earlier days, this would have been normal, but now it wasn't. Beastboy entered the kitchen. He was gathering sodas for everyone. While he was alone with Robin, he took the opportunity to ask what had been on his mind since the previous night.

"Robin, this might seem random but do you know anything about the name Arella?" Beastboy asked quietly. He tried keeping out of earshot from the other titans.

Robin's eyebrows narrowed as he stopped the microwave. "Isn't that Raven's mother?" he asked. "Why?"

Beastboy opened his mouth to explain but was interrupted when Cyborg yelled that he was still waiting on the drinks. "I'll explain later, but I think you know we need to be concerned about someone right now. Just don't say anything for the time being." He left to go bring the drinks into the living room while making a smart remark to his friend. One of Robin's jobs was to be observant so Beastboy knew he would be the right person to talk to if he suspected something was up with one of the other group members.

When everyone was ready, Beastboy took a seat next to Raven. She didn't move away or flinch. In fact, she allowed him to put his arm behind her. Raven felt bad for not being able to keep her eyes open. She hadn't even realized she had fallen asleep until she was gently being shaken awake. Raven lifted her head off of Beastboy.

"It is bed time, momma," he said softly. "Everyone else has gone to their rooms." Raven wondered just how long he had stayed up just for her.

"The way things have been going, I'm not necessarily looking forward to bedtime," Raven said dryly. She didn't mean it, but lack of sleep had made her irritable. Beastboy just gave her a small smile.

"I didn't say you had to go alone," he smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been raining all day. In fact the rain had started when the alarm went off that morning and the Titans had to stop the usual bank robbery. It was an easy enough job. Raven was disappointed though because she hadn't had time to enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in someone else's arms. Beastboy had ended up holding her against his chest that night. He decided not to bring up her mother.

However, the rest of the day was boring. Everyone tried finding ways to keep warm inside the tower. Raven had made some hot tea and was sitting at the counter in the kitchen with her coffee mug in her hands. She was mostly lost in thought. There was still no word on Arella and she was still stubborn enough not to mention it. Raven stood up to put her now empty mug in the sink. She closed her eyes for a second to get a hold of her emotions. The familiar vision of red eyes flashed in her mind again and she dropped the coffee mug. It shattered on the floor with a loud crash that she hoped no one was around to here. Unfortunately Robin came running.

"What happened?" Robin demanded.

"It just slipped out of my hands, sorry," Raven lied. She fixed it easily with her magic and then made it levitate to the sink. Robin's instinct kicked in.

"You're not telling me something, Raven," he said with his gravelly voice.

"It's nothing, really," Raven responded. She was trying not to sound irritated.

Robin frowned. "There has to be. You have been acting strange and as the team leader I have to know."

"No, you _don't_!" Raven snapped. "If I want to keep something private, I have every damn right too!"

Robin wasn't surprised by her response. He took a step towards her and she moved back like a frightened child.

"Raven," he said calmly, "you and I both know something is up. It's not like you to be clumsy."

"It was an accident," Raven said irritably. She moved away again until her back hit the sink. Robin had her cornered. "I have to meditate," she excused herself and went to leave but Robin grabbed her arm. He had no intention of hurting her, but his grip was strong. The same four eyes flashed in her mind despite her eyes being open.

"We can talk somewhere privately," Robin pressed. He noticed her body go rigid and she wouldn't look at him. She pulled her arm away.

"Don't. Touch. Me."

Raven angrily wiped at the tears threatening to escape. Her heart was pounding and she could feel her chest getting tight. Her face had a weird numbing sensation and along with that, she felt lightheaded. It was a familiar feeling. She was having an anxiety attack.

"I can't breathe," she nearly sobbed before rushing out of the kitchen. She ran upstairs to the roof, passing Starfire having a conversation with Beastboy about the latest things Silky had done. Raven didn't pause to see their reactions but was sure it left them confused. Raven finally made it outside on the roof top. The cold air and rain hit her at the same time. She slammed the door closed and leaned against it. The feeling of dread overcame her and she still felt like she was going to faint. Raven knew it was just the symptoms of a panic attack but it still didn't comfort her. She felt like she was going crazy. It was impossible for Trigon to be around and Arella would be treated with the best medicine available, but all the rational thoughts would never make her feel any better. Raven sat with her back against the door and sobbed.

Footsteps came up the stairs and the door opened. She was gently moved but it didn't bother her.

"Raven," she heard Robin's voice say. She felt him towering over her since he had grown up too during the past few years. Both Beastboy and Robin were taller than her now and their body's had gotten nicely toned with muscle. Robin knelt next to her and lifted Raven's chin up with his finger. "You don't have to talk about it, but if what I suspected happened in the kitchen is true, I can help," he told her sternly. She knew she wasn't being scowled. Robin had a way of being serious in a brotherly way.

"What do you mean?" Raven asked. Her voice was shaky and her mind seemed cloudy from all the emotions.

"I know exactly what a panic attack feels like. I used to get them all the time. I have some medicine left over for them that is still good. It shouldn't hurt for you to take it. I don't need it anymore." Robin explained as he gently pushed a small pill bottle into her hand. "Break one in half when you feel one coming on and if it doesn't help, then take the other half in half an hour." Raven almost couldn't comprehend what was going on. Robin was getting soaked in the cold rain just for her. She gripped the bottle.

"Thanks," she said hoarsely. Raven was even more surprised when he hugged her.

"You're not going crazy," he whispered. He let go of her and then grabbed her hand to help her stand up. "Let's get you out of this weather." Robin put his arm around her shoulders and led her back inside. Halfway down the stairs they ran into Beastboy.

"Raven, what happened?" Beastboy stopped them and asked. Raven grabbed onto Robin. She wasn't ready to talk. What if he thought different of her for taking pills to help with her mind?

"I'll let her tell you," Robin said as he gave his friend a comforting squeeze. Raven almost sighed in relief at Robin keeping the scene of the roof private. She hugged the jacket Robin had draped around her shoulders closer to her body.

"I just want to get warm," she said honestly.

"Robin, I'll take her to her room," Beastboy offered. He studied Raven's features. Her hair was soaked and her eyes looked even more tired. She was even shivering slightly. Robin released her a little reluctantly, but she went straight to Beastboy's side. His body temperature was slightly warmer not only because he had been inside, but it had something to do with his animal genetics.

"Come get me if you need me," Robin told Raven before he disappeared.


	4. Chapter 4

Raven went to her bathroom for privacy. She opened the pill bottle and took a half of a pill like Robin said. Then she focused on her appearance. He hair was drenched and stuck to her face. Her clothes were soaked too including Robin's jacket. She had taken a change of clothes with her, but decided it would be easier to take a hot shower to get rid of her cold chills. She had left Beastboy in her room. He was laying on her bed playing his 3DS.

She turned on the shower and immediately disliked the screech of air coming in the pipes. She chose to ignore it. The only thing out to get her was long gone and was never coming back. Raven figured the pills were working. She wanted to talk to Robin more about the anxiety attacks. She had never had them until recently and being a book worm, she read some could mimic symptoms of a heart attack. The person would feel nonstop impending doom. Raven thought she could handle it herself and eventually they would go away.

She showered without any interuption, and changed into a black sweater and jeans. Beastboy was still playing his DS when she got out. He looked up when he heard the door close.

"I'm guessing you want to know what happened?" Raven asked. She felt well enough to talk now that she was calm.

"Yea," Beastboy said. "We all know it turns out bad for you when you hold your feelings in...and sometimes you toss me out the window, but that hasn't happened in a while."

Raven made her hands glow with energy and he yelped. "Don't give me any ideas," she smirked and made it stop before she scared him off. She still had a morbid sense of humor.

Beastboy went back to being serious even if a tiny piece of him was still terrified of her. "What happened earlier...or what's been going on with you recently...and who is Arella?"

Raven sat next to him on the bed. The rain was coming down harder now. "I got a letter from Azaroth saying my mother is sick. It didn't give me much detail and I can't seem to get a reply. I thought about going to see for myself, but Azaroth is a place where I don't wish to go back to."

"So, Arella is your mom," Beastboy said quietly. "What about what happened to you on the roof?"

"I had a panic attack," Raven finally admitted. "I keep having visions of Trigon even though he's gone and they've been freaking me out. It started a while before I got the news about my mother."

"Why didn't you say something Rae?" Beastboy asked sincerely.

"I thought it was something I needed to keep to myself," Raven said honestly. She watched him sit up and he gently grabbed her wrist.

"Or did you think no one cared?" Beastboy added. His face didn't show it but she could see the sadness in his eyes. Raven was silent for a moment.

"Everyone has their own problems, and Robin gave me some pills to take when I start having an attack," Raven rambled, ignoring the question.

"Raven," Beastboy said firmly. For the first time ever, he was serious. Raven felt his playful energy disappear. "I lost my parents and Robin lost his too. You aren't the only one dealing with heavy stuff. If you keep holding onto things it will do more harm than good. If you want to only confide in Robin, that's fine, but don't leave me in the dark thinking I don't care about you."

Raven was shocked for a moment. "I don't think I'm worth losing sleep over," she admitted. She turned her head away from Beastboy. She knew as much of Beastboy's story as he was able to tell her, but what he said about Robin was new to her. She felt it would be easier to know what Beastboy was thinking because she was at a loss for words.

"Raven, there's no shame in asking for help. We've told you that a million times," Beastboy's voice shook her out of her thoughts.

"And there's no shame in privacy," she replied colder than she meant to.

"Well you see what it's doing to you Raven, and if that's the way you feel I can't help that. But don't you ever think I don't care." He gently turned her face so she could see he was serious. "Promise?"

"Promise," she whispered. She allowed him to give her a tight hug.

"We care about you Rae, and to me you're worth a sleepless night," he told her. He wished he could tell her more about how he felt without putting more on her plate. Beastboy felt more deeply for her after recovering from Terra. He released her and she stood up. Raven felt like taking his advice but she was afraid of what she would find if she had help going to Azaroth. Robin wouldn't allow her to go alone either way.

"Would you like to join me for tea?" Raven asked. It was a strange question but lately Beastboy didn't mind a mug of peppermint tea with honey. He smiled and she outstretched her hand to help him up.

"Of course Rae," he smiled and imitated a British accent, "but if it's English tea I feel like I would need a top hat and one of those glass things that only cover one eye."

"You mean a monicle?" Raven asked unamused.

Beastboy quit the accent and said, "I didn't know they had a name." Raven internally facepalmed as they linked arms and walked together to the kitchen. 


	5. Chapter 5

Robin felt satisfied when he saw Raven and Beastboy walk down to the kitchen. Raven had changed clothes and looked more relaxed than she had earlier. He assumed the medicine had worked for her. Raven prepared two mugs of peppermint tea and eventually sat with Beastboy at the table. When she made eye contact with Robin, she felt like she needed to say something. Beastboy's words had sunk into her and she decided it was best to get closure on her situation.

"Robin, if I need to make a trip to Azarath, you would help me, right?" she asked. Beastboy was surprised and proud at the same time. Even though Robin knew all along Raven had the strength this whole time.

"Just let me know," he agreed. She wanted to say more but was interrupted by Cyborg saying he ordered pizza and Beastboy rushed off to make sure he got a vegetarian order. It left Raven alone with Robin.

"I have your jacket in my room. Is it okay if I return it later tonight if you are up?" Raven asked him.

Robin nodded, "Something tells me you want to talk when we are alone."

"I just have a few questions," Raven said, stirring her tea.

"Hey, what type of pizza do you want, momma?" Beastboy interrupted them.

"Garden lovers," she answered.

"Make that two, Cy!" Beastboy yelled to the other room before setting his empty mug in the sink. Starfire yelled something about beating a high score on a video game and he disappeared again.

"It shouldn't be a problem," Robin told her. He approached her and ruffled her hair. "We are here for you Rae and thanks for letting me in." He left the kitchen to make sure all was well in the living room. Raven finished her tea and sat in silence for a minute. She was tackled from behind in a hug from Beastboy. For the first time in a while, she laughed catching both of them off guard. Beastboy swore his heart skipped a beat.

"I see you're feeling better," Beastboy squeezed her.

"I'm okay for now," she smiled. His current emotions were strong enough for her to pick up. It was the same emotion she got from Starfire when Robin was around.

"You don't have to sit in here alone, Star and Cyborg are playing a game in the living room if you want to watch," he told her while helping her off her chair. He held onto her hand longer than usual. Raven prayed Cyborg or Starfire didn't see or they would never hear the end of it.

"I told Robin I would bring his jacket by tonight and I had a few questions for him. So if you come to my room and I'm not there, just wait for me," Raven told him. She still felt the strong emotions radiating off him. It was going to be a long night.

**Later **

Robin heard the knock on his door and pressed a button to allow Raven in. She had his jacket folded in her arms. He had been up reading the newspaper, which seemed odd but he didn't have time in the morning. He was also anticipating Raven to come to him.

She handed him the jacket, which now smelled pleasantly of lavender from her room. He knew shortly she would change the scent to cinnamon when fall approached. He sat down at his desk and she took a seat in another chair which she assumed Starfire used when she visited.

"You told me you used to have anxiety attacks all the time. What were they like?" Raven asked him. Her voice was soft and sleepy.

"It was like a constant nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. I could never catch my breath and my heart felt like it wasn't beating right," Robin said bluntly.

"Like a heart attack?"

"Yes."

"Does it ever go away?" Raven looked at him with raw emotion in her eyes. It was one of the rare moments she truly showed she was terrified deep down.

"It does over time. You learn to think rationally about the things that are causing it and I was put on a low dose of antidepressant," Robin told her. "I can set that up too if you-"

"I think those pills will be enough," she told him. "There's something else." Robin remained silent and she felt he was listening. "I've been seeing Trigon's eyes in my mind. I know he's gone, but they catch me off guard. I've also been having nightmares for a while now. I just feel like no matter what, he is always going to be there to torment me somehow, because my only purpose after I was born was to be the end of the world."

"We beat Trigon, Raven," Robin said softly.

"He's still in my mind," she cut him off before he could finish. "And he still scares me." She was growing more and more upset. She felt close to tears again. "I feel so helpless, Robin." A tear finally slipped down her cheek. Robin silently handed her a tissue.

"Your mind can be your worst enemy," Robin turned serious. "I think you have a touch of PTSD from what he put you through." Raven felt herself become vulnerable. "We can talk every night about anything you want if it makes you feel better, but if this continues I can arrange for you to take medicine to take for this and it will remain between us until you say so."

Raven was silent for a moment and then nodded in agreement. "What caused you to have panic attacks?" she asked. She wasn't sure if Beastboy was supposed to say anything about Robin's parents.

Robin turned around in his chair and grabbed a piece of newspaper. He faced Raven again and handed it to. It was an older article and the paper was starting to yellow. Raven read the headline: "FLYING GRAYSONS DEAD". Another article had the headline: "CIRCUS CLOSED DUE TO DEATH OF FAMOUS ACROBATS". Raven couldn't move.

"Why did you keep these? "she whispered. Her hand trembled as she looked up at her leader. His emotions were unreadable.

"Sometimes we need a reminder of why we fight," Robin said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. She gave the papers back and the room went silent again.

"You learn to live with it," Robin said placing the newspaper back on his desk.

"I'm going to try and contact Arella again," Raven told him. "If I don't hear back, I might have to go to Azaroth."

"You won't be going alone," Robin gave her a small smile. "You already knew that."

"I don't exactly know what I will find," Raven admitted. Robin stood and held out his hand to help her up.

"Which is way as team leader, I say we go with you," he said firmly but she could see the smile in his eyes. She caught him off guard with a hug, but he squeezed her small frame in a protective embrace.

"Here I go surprising people with hugs again," Raven attempted to joke. Robin let go and opened his door so she could walk out.

"Yea," he said sarcastically even though it was kind hearted. "You should really quit that. Night Raven."

"See you in the morning," she replied walking down the hall.

Starfire was approaching Robin's room and was confused as to why Raven was walking out with a smile. It made Starfire filled with happiness to see it since Raven rarely smiled and this time it was genuine. Robin was watching her from the door way and Starfire snuck up and hugged him. Robin let Starfire in his room and shut the door. The two articles of newspaper were still visible in his desk.


	6. Chapter 6

Raven finished the letter and sent it in energy form. She asked to hear from Arella personally because she was concerned. She was hoping she wouldn't have to take a trip because Azareth didn't have very many fond memories. She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind when there was a knock at her door. She didn't have to ask who it was. Beastboy entered and he seemed nervous this time. Raven still couldn't figure out the mess of emotions coming off of him lately especially when he was around her.

"Hey…umm so everyone else is busy and I'm hungry," Beastboy told her. She gave him a blank expression waiting for him to get to the point. Her expression didn't help him get the words out easier.

"So?" Raven said, waiting for him to tell her what he was getting at.

"Do you want to go out for pizza? Just me and you?" he finally asked. "Totally not like a date but…you know just us." The wave of emotions hit her again but she tuned them out so she could concentrate on Beastboy.

"Yea," Raven said without a second thought. "Just let me change clothes."

"You really mean it Rae!?"

"Did I stutter?"

Beastboy shut up not wanting to annoy her any further even though she had a higher tolerance for him now.

"This totally isn't a date though," Beastboy added. He kept playing with the strings in the scarf he was wearing. He planned on going alone but wanted to invite Raven at the last minute.

"You already said that," Raven told him. She smoothed out a wrinkle in his scarf and he froze not expecting the sudden movement. "Just give me five minutes." Beastboy finally left and she pulled on some skinny jeans and an indigo blue sweater. When she was finally satisfied with her appearance it hit her why she was getting so many emotions from Beastboy. He was starting to like her in a romantic way and he was trying not to make it obvious. He also knew she could read people's emotions like an open book, however romance was something Raven wasn't familiar with. It explained why she couldn't pinpoint what he was feeling every time she was nearby. The only experience she had was a few years ago with Malchior but that was different. She decided to think about it more later so she didn't keep Beastboy waiting. Just as she predicted, his emotions were all over the place when he saw her.

Beastboy seemed to regain his composure once they left the tower. He paid for the cab since Cyborg's car was still off limits. They got to the pizza place and it didn't take them long to get a table. It was by a window, so they could see part of the beach. Secretly it was one of Raven's favorite spots.

"It's weird not having the others with us," Beastboy pointed out. Raven browsed the menu even though she already knew they both wanted the garden pizza. She was trying to hide the fact her nerves were on edge.

"I wonder how long it will take for them to realize we are gone," she pointed out. She took a sip out of her drink.

"I hope they don't notice at all," Beastboy said and then his emotions slowly started to flood her again and this time she couldn't stay quiet about it.

"Why do you do that?" Raven asked. Her tone was soft but demanding. She was tired of her energy picking things up she couldn't explain.

"Do what?" Beastboy eyes widened in fear.

"Lately your emotions go crazy every time you look in my general direction," she told him as she absent mindedly stirred her soda with her straw. She didn't know what answer to expect.

Beastboy let out a huge sigh of relief. "Okay I thought you were going to bring up the Pretty Pretty Pegasus thi-," he stopped when he saw her facial expression.

"I…don't want to know," Raven shook her head but continued. "But can you explain why I'm picking up those emotions from you?" There was a brief awkward silence between them. Raven's heart was racing because she needed to confirm what she thought was going on. Then Beastboy interrupted it.

You know what, we don't have any napkins," he said as he picked up the napkin dispenser.

"Beastboy, you're stalling."

"I'm not stalling anything."

"Yes you are."

"So….you think I'm stalling?"

Raven finally lost her patience. "This is not the time to quote SpongeBob. Just answer my question!"

Beastboy started laughing but stopped when she glared at him. She was frowning, her eyes staring right through him. Knowing Raven didn't take any bs, Beastboy knew he had to gather his thoughts.

"Rae, I have to tell you something," he started. She waited with one eyebrow raised. He didn't know a girl could be both terrifying and stunning at the same time.

"BB!" Cyborg's voice cut through the air, startling them both. He was being followed by both Robin and Starfire. Raven's stomach dropped as they approached the table. Beastboy's face fell in disappointment.

"This table is kind of small," Robin pointed out, but he was smiling.

"Why are you two alone?" Starfire asked. Then her eyes lit up. "I thinks friends Beastboy and Raven were going on a date!" She got over excited and hugged Raven who was now slowly dying inside. Beastboy spit out his drink.

"This isn't a date!" Beastboy yelled out. "Everyone else was busy and I was starving! No one ever grocery shops!" Raven saw him blush and if she wasn't annoyed she would have laughed.

"Well if it isn't a date," Cyborg teased. "You two wouldn't mind sharing a bigger table."

Raven rolled her eyes but they both gave in and moved to a table that could seat five people. She was reserved the entire time, only speaking when asked a question. The group decided to hang out for a while after eating. Beastboy insisted on going to the arcade inside the restaurant. Raven excised herself and went to the bathroom. She felt the familiar tingling in her face and her chest started to grow tight. Raven cursed, realizing her medicine was at the tower. She felt the need to escape, but she wanted to go to Beastboy first. She promised she would tell him. Her anxiety grew as she walked towards the arcade. She felt like she was going to faint, but it never happened. Some noises had an echoed effect. She spotted Beastboy and Cyborg by the aquarium tank. They were fascinated by a group of shrimp huddled together. The restaurant was serious about having fresh ingredients.

"I wonder what they are doing," Cyborg said as he tapped the tank.

"Maybe they are discussing current events," Beastboy told him. The two boys howled with laughter. Raven decided to pass the two idiots and find Robin. He was out on the balcony with Starfire. They were both standing close to each other. She was going to get Robin's attention and then she realized they were embracing and kissing. Raven felt her face flush as she didn't mean to walk in on such an intimate moment. She shut the door and felt tears threaten her eyes. Loneliness crept up on her and she rushed to the arcade, passing Beastboy and Cyborg. She was relieved they came in at a time the place wasn't slam busy. She placed herself between the claw machine and a shooting game. She tried to catch her breath and calm down.

Beastboy saw Raven pass them and paused the conversation he was having with Cyborg. When he found her in the arcade, he didn't have to ask to know what was going on.

"Raven, why didn't you say anything?" he rushed to her. He was disappointed but he was too kind hearted to tell at her.

"You were taking to Cyborg. I didn't want to interrupt," Raven told him as she wiped at her eyes. Her hands were shaking. Beastboy grabbed her arms and looked into her eyes.

"I wasn't going to be mad at you," Beastboy pointed out. "I don't care what I'm doing. If I'm playing a game, talking with Cyborg, sleeping, you come get me Rae!" She couldn't break eye contact with him. He basically had her cornered.

"It just came out of nowhere and I forgot to bring my medicine," Raven told him. Her heart was still pounding and she felt light headed. She didn't know if it was from anxiety or because Beastboy was so close to her. "I was fine until a few minutes ago. I didn't want to ruin anything."

"Don't talk like that. You wouldn't have ruined anything," Beastboy said softly. He felt like he had to do something. Like this was his only chance. He slowly moved his face closer to Raven's. "The best part would be being there for you." He almost whispered the last part as he touched his forehead to hers. Her breath hitched in the back of her throat but his words came over her like a warm blanket. Then she noticed something was missing.

"Your emotions," Raven said, confused. "They aren't all over the place now." He still hadn't given her an explanation.

"Because I'm not afraid any more Rae," he said. Their foreheads were still touching and Raven prayed one of the waitresses wouldn't walk in and get the wrong idea.

"I'm in the middle of a panic attack. What's there to be afraid of?" Raven asked him. She still had the bad habit of thinking people were afraid of her. She finally stopped crying now that he was here.

"I'd rather show you," Beastboy whispered. She felt him lean in and then found herself being gently kissed. It was pleasant and made her panic attack melt away. Raven wrapped her arms around her neck before Beastboy's nerves got the best of him and he pulled away. She felt his nervousness turn into happiness. They were both speechless after what happened. Beastboy stepped away and Raven was afraid she had done something wrong. Maybe he didn't like it. However, he smiled at her and motioned for her to follow him. "We need to get you home." He put his arm around her shoulders and they walked to their friends who huddled near the door, ready to leave. She felt safe with Beastboy close to her and she didn't want him to leave her side. Raven was reminded of walking in on Starfire and Robin and decided to keep it to herself.

The ride home was awkward, and Raven pulled out her phone to listen to music. Beastboy sat next to her and stole one of her headphone pieces after seeing what she was listening to. He put it in his ear. Raven gave him a questioning look.

"I didn't know you liked Melanie Martinez," she said. She thought no one on the team has the same music interests as her, which was why she was so surprised.

"Um, yea," Beastboy smiled. "I bought her CDs." Raven looked away, surprised. She let the conversation drop. She couldn't stop thinking about the arcade. Her panic attack had gone away for now, but she couldn't stop thinking about the person sitting next to her either. She didn't know where they would go from here. Malchior had came to her when she was the most vulnerable and she was more vulnerable now than ever. She could control her emotions now, just not the panic and anxiety that hit whenever it pleased. Beastboy wouldn't use her though. He was too kind hearted. He also went from making her want to punch him in the face every time he opened his mouth to having him share her bed. He wouldn't do anything to her he wouldn't do to a friend.

Raven skipped dinner so she could think. Instead of staying in her room, she made her way to the room with the huge in door pool. She sat at the edge with her legs crossed and allowed the blue reflections from the water mesmerize her. Her thoughts went back and forth from her mother to Beastboy. The kiss from earlier was pleasant, but she didn't know how she felt. She hadn't thought about taking their relationship a step further because she didn't know it ever would. She felt her heart flutter thinking about him kissing her. She had a few unanswered questions, but wanted to make her mother a priority. She needed to focus. Then the door opened and she didn't have to look to know that it was Beastboy.

"You're not hungry, momma?" his voice echoed. She turned her head but didn't look at him.

"No," she answered. He sat beside her. She was used to his emotions now.

"What's on your mind? You rarely skip dinner," Beastboy pushed her.

"What are we?" Raven asked, looking at the clear blue pool in front of them.

"Human?"

Raven gave him a look that made him nervous.

"I mean…you kissed me at the restaurant. We definitely aren't friends anymore," Raven thought out loud.

"Well if that's the way you feel," Beastboy huffed. Raven used her powers to splash water in his face. "Hey!" She let the conversation drop again. She felt sadness well up inside of her. Beastboy grabbed her hand.

"It's whatever you want it to be, Rae," he told her. She felt relieved he was finally taking it seriously.

"Well…I'm not saying no, but I have my own feeling to sort out right now," Raven admitted. She expected him to be disappointed, but he turned serious.

"Take all the time you need," he said. Raven wasn't expecting him to be so understanding. She spaced out watching the water in the pool. It made Beastboy restless and she felt him shift beside her. "So…," he said, "you want to make out again?" She used her powers to make a small wave and splashed him in the face.


End file.
